Why Me, God?

Have you ever asked God the question, “Why me?”.  I have on many occasions. Sometimes things happen to you in life and you don’t understand why it had to happen to you.

I used to wonder why so many people sexually abused me. What was it about me that drew them to do such perverted things to such a young girl? I just didn’t understand it and I felt like I never would.

Then there’s this disease I tend to deal with from time to time. Not a lot of people know this about me.  I don’t share it with a lot of people. Mainly people close to me know this or if someone happens to talk about it I’ll mention it.

But I was born with Sickle Cell Anemia. I was pretty healthy with it until I was about 21 years old. That’s when I was given my first blood transfusion because my blood levels were extremely low. I remember crying so hard that day, because I didn’t want someone else’s blood in my body. But after talking to my mom I knew it would help me to feel better.

My brother was born with it too and he had suffered his whole life with the disease. He had a stroke at 3 or 4 years old and he was always in and out of the hospital receiving blood transfusions.

I always felt like I was a miracle child because I didn’t have to go through as much as he did (I didn’t want him to have to go through either). Doctor’s would always say, “You look great. You don’t even look like you have sickle cell” (which I don’t know what having sickle cell looks like).

But as I got older challenges started taking place in my body. Especially after I had my daughter. I seriously hate the hospital and will try everything before I truly must go there.

Over the last few years I’ve been back and forth to the hospital. When my blood count is too low, I have to be transfused (that seems to be every time I go there) and colds/flu seems to affect it more.

I’ve tried natural routes like juicing. They seem to help a little. But when the sickle cell pain comes it’s sometimes unbearable. It’s like little sharp knives stabbing you in your lower back, chest, legs…wherever the pain occurs.

A lot of times I just wait for the pain to pass before I take any medication (because I hate synthetic drugs too). But I do take it if I must.

With all this being said, I was in the hospital twice a couple of months. I’m usually private when it comes to my health but I thought I’d write this blog today to be a little more open about it. Maybe it'll free someone.  I’m doing great now, but I stay focused on staying healthy.

God has so much in store for me and I really don’t have time to be sick. I had a hard time understanding why I was going through this. I already spent years being sexually abused now I'm dealing with a disease that I didn't even cause on myself.

But, I believe that because I have stepped into the person that God has created me to be, the enemy is trying to come at me hard and that’s through my health. He knows he can’t have my mind anymore. The insecurities I once felt, the depression, the people pleasing. Those things are no longer who I am. So, he feels this is the way to break me down.

I remember crying so hard one night because I was in so much pain. I looked at my husband and asked him, “Why does he hate me so much?” He asked “Who?” and I answered, “The Devil!”.  His reply was, “He hates all Christians.” But I felt like he hated me more because he kept coming after me, attacking me in my body

Recently my husband said to me, “The devil has been defeated. He has no power over you.’. I thought about what he was saying for a moment and knew that I didn’t have to take this. I win all the time because he is defeated.

A couple of months ago I attended a conference that my friend was having.  My First Lady was teaching. She brought up why the devil hates women so much. I thought ‘wow, see I knew it’…lol.

As she kept speaking, I realized just how powerful I am as a woman. And when we as women understand who we are in Christ the devil becomes more and more afraid of us. We are some very powerful beings. Nothing can stop us when we are walking in our God given purpose. When we are walking boldly and confidently in the things of God.

God recently instructed me to start speaking healing confessions daily over my body and I’ve been doing just that.

I know I’m healed. I’ve always known that. It’s just sucks when your body is being attacked by something that shouldn’t be there in the first place.

I know a miracle is on its way. I know that we go/grow through things sometimes because we can bear it. We go through to show others how to go through. Our lives become a testimony for others to overcome.

God has a purpose for all of us. We all have been through something, whether it was/is sexual abuse or health issues or even a broken heart. Know that you’ll get through it.

When the question of “Why Me?” comes up, know and understand who you are. The devil is afraid of you because of the power you possess, because of the authority you have through Christ. He doesn’t want you to know who you really are. But I say, ALWAYS know who you are and never forget it.

You are the Child of the Most High God

You are Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

You are Made in the Image of God

You are Chosen

You are Loved

You are an Overcomer


I appreciate you!

Remember to Stay Affirmed!


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